Metanoia
by Aesculap
Summary: means 'change of mind and heart' - and Castiel *is* changing. Becoming more human with all the ups and downs of a human life. Fortunately he is not alone: Dean and Sam are there to help and guide and sometimes to suffer or laugh with Castiel. Season 5
1. The Darkness Within

AN: This will be a series of one-shots centered around Castiel becoming more and more human and trying to cope with it.

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**~ The Darkness Within ~**

Darkness. As thick as maple syrup. Engulfing, devouring, swallowing all and everything.

Castiel knows there are entities near. Threatening to attack. But he can't see. For the first time in his long existence he _can not see_. It is no pleasant feeling. Not exactly fear, but he knows of the imminent danger.

Somewhere there should be a switch. A light switch. On the wall to his... right. Every human building has them. Normally on the left or right side of a door. He gropes his way back to where he knows the archway should be. The Angel reaches out trying to find the switch in the dark.

Somewhere to his left he hears a noise. They are coming nearer. Still wary but getting more courageous every minute. They will attack soon. Far too soon. An unpleasant feeling spreading through his stomach. Anticipation?

Finally he finds the switch. The single light bulb comes to live. The dim light is not strong enough to penetrate the darkness. The filament is is glowing brightly but the emanating light is swallowed as soon as it grows out of the bulb. Only a red shimmer reaching the floor.

Cold fright gripping Castiel's chest. It is too dark to ward them off. He has no weapons anymore, does not carry those of mankind. The Angel can't remember a time when he was so desperately outnumbered by beings stronger than him.

Again there is movement. Castiel spins around and manages to catch sight of a dark wolf-like figure on two feet. Not a werewolf. Something darker. Older. And much more dangerous. They have trapped him here. With no hope to escape. Without his powers.

The light grows dimmer and he spots two other... _things_. Two more are coming for him from his right side. And there is movement under the table, too.

He wants to pray but his voice is too shaky, hoarse and breaks after the first few words. Terror spreads through the Angel. This is his end. Another creature rears up in the impenetrable shadows. A last time the light bulb flickers then it is dark again and Castiel hears them charging towards him.

His eyes snap open. He is panting heavily - but alive. It is dark, but there is light. The TV is on. Someone is under the shower and he feels the mattress next to him drop. A sleazy motel room.

"Hey, Cas. You're all right?" Dean looks genuine worried, a deep frown on his face and his hand twitching as if it has a will on his own and wants to reach out and touch the Angel.

Castiel sighs, lets himself fall back into the wet pillow and closes his eyes again. He is save.


	2. Of broken bones and bullet heads

**~ Of broken bones and bullet heads ~**

Dean felt something inside his chest break as he connected brutally with the door frame. Castiel had to duck otherwise the sheer force of the hunters involuntary flight would have sent him tumbling too. Unfortunately the wendigo took advantage of the Angel's abrupt movement and delivered a kick a shaolin monk would have been proud of. The next thing Castiel knew was he was no longer on the second floor but lying one the pavement in front of the house. The wendigo must have sent him flying through the window. A wave of pain was threatening to pull him down as he suddenly noticed the bony figure sitting on his chest. Castiel did not think. He just leashed out, grabbed the wendigo and let his grace burn though the creature's essence. Without Dean nearby he did not need to worry about the hunter's safety in the process. A circle of scorched concrete surrounding the Angel and the dead creature prove the prudence of that caution.

~*~

Walking was not exactly easy. With each step something inside his leg shifted and a new wave of agony burned his way through the Angel. Every movement let the world slip out of and come back into focus a few seconds later. Castiel had ported them as near to the next hospital as he dared to. Nevertheless there were still about 100 meters he had to walk while carrying the unconscious hunter. There were tears in his eyes and he was clenching his teeth with such force he tasted blood. They had to make it to the illuminated entrance. Castiel staggered and nearly fell when someone steadied him shouting for a gurney.

Castiel learned more about broken bones that he cared to. And he had just been in the hospital for not longer than an hour. When the nurse told him the police was coming to ask about their accident the Angel knew they had to leave immediately.

Walking with this... _cask_- no, they had called it _cast _- covering the better part of his right leg was nothing like he had experienced before. The pain was still there but a lot more dull. And the stiff material made every step a fight. But he had to reach Dean, had to port them away. His clothes were soaked with sweat as he finally reached his friend's room.

Dean did not wake up. Not even when Castiel made them appear next to the impala. He knew the doctors had given the hunter something so he would sleep. They had tried the same thing with Castiel but still he was on his feet. Albeit he could feel the drugs trying to bring him down. The Angel did not know for how much longer he would be able to fight them. Using what was left of his Grace to teleport them around was way more energy-sapping than he had expected. They needed help. Pretty soon, Castiel thought as he steadied his swaying form on the roof of the shiny black car.

"Sam. 's Cassiel," he slurred into his phone a minute later.

"Hey, Cas... It's 3am... why're you ... - are you _drunk?"_

"Dean 's injured. 'n' I might need help. T' doctors gave me s'mth'n... I..."

"Cas, can you... can you get the both of you to Bobby's?"

Castiel was not sure if he could accomplish it. But he had to. Once again he concentrated and tried to gather his remaining power. There was a thunder somewhere not all too far away. Both men and the car vanished before lightning struck.

~*~

Castiel could feel the pain throbbing up all the way from his leg to even his teeth. His head hurt, his eyes burned an the world was spinning. All too soon exhaustion would claim him. But he already could see the alit windows of Bobby's house. A few more steps...

He was at the porch swaying so much Dean was in danger of falling off the Angel's shoulders when thankfully the door opened an Sam eased the dead weight of the hunter off of Castiel's unsteady figure. Now he could let the darkness claim him. Now they were safe.


	3. Mending

AN: written for **spn_30snapshots**

Not exactly slash but you could read it as pre-slash

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**~ Mending ~**

As soon as Sam had Dean safely in his arms Castiel was gone. Although the younger Winchester hadn't heard the familiar flutter of wings he was sure the Angel had vanished, flown off to that place Angels go when they rest. Castiel had looked beat and exhausted. He sure could need a few days of rest. But now Sam's concern was his brother. He carefully opened the door again and nearly ran into Bobby.

"Boy! Watch out!"

"Sorry... I'll take him upstairs, ok?"

"Yeah, 'n' afterwards help me with that Angel... Don't like poultry on my porch."

Sam turned around and indeed there was Castiel lying on the dusty ground. He nearly dropped his brother.

It was not easy carrying both men upstairs. Bobby was of no help sitting in his wheelchair and the younger Winchester's arms burned with exhaustion when he finally lowered the Angel on the bed next to his brother. Bobby's old bedroom - now he had to use the cabinet next to the kitchen because there was no way he would manage those stairs on his own - had the biggest bed. Still with both of the men on it it looked rather small.

The next morning Dean woke up again. Of course Sam was sitting on a chair next to the bed. Of course the younger Winchester was glad his brother was conscious again but Castiel hadn't moved even once so his relieve was somewhat darkened. And him being an Angel Sam had figured he would wake up way before Dean. Sam was worried. And obviously worried because the first thing his brother asked, voice raspy and without any power: "Cas...?"

"Next to you."

Dean slowly turned his head and blinked a few times. Sam could tell the exact moment when his eyes finally focused on the Angel. The older hunter gasped, his broken ribs momentary forgotten, and he winced in pain as bones rasped against each other.

"What happend, Dean? Castiel only said you were injured."

"Few busted ribs and 'n headache. I'm fine. Really. What's with Cas?" The older Winchester was still looking at the Angel, a worried frown on his face.

"Dunno. Brought you here and kinda fainted afterwards..."

"Angels don't_ faint_."

"You tell me..."

"Bobby...?"

"...want's to screw your head off..."

"No, Sam. Does he know anything about Cas? How do you heal 'n Angel?"

Sam just shrugged. Then he had an idea: "What did the doctors tell him? He said they gave him something that made him drowsy. Did he talk to you about it?"

But Dean shook his head. "I was out of it since... We were hunting a wendigo and it somehow got me. That's the last thing I remember. Sorry."

Sam sighed deeply and then shrugged. "You hungry?"

Dean didn't have to answer. His stomach did that for him and rumbled loudly.

With a huge smirk Sam left them to get food.

~*~

Dean was half way through the pile of pancakes his brother had brought them when Sam entered the room again. "I got your medical records - don't ask how. You've got two broken and a few bruised ribs. No concussion but a pretty goose egg. I think you can join us downstairs afterwards." Sam gestured at the pancake Dean was currently chewing."

"Cas?" the older Winchester asked without bothering to swallow first.

"A fractured femur, hence the cast, a bruised spine and a pretty nasty concussion. If he still can't heal even himself he'll have to stay in bed a tad longer than you."

Dean glanced puzzled at the unmoving body next to him. "I wonder what happened..."

"I think you'll have to wait for him to wake up again..."

~*~

Sam was not really surprised as Dean wanted to stay in Bobby's bedroom until Cas would wake up again. Honestly he had anticipated it. Perhaps it was better that way - he could not imagine himself entertaining the Angel when he woke up again. Better leave that part to his brother.

Sam helped Bobby most of the time downstairs. Although the older hunter managed his everyday live surprisingly well his home was not made for a person in a wheelchair. There was still a lot Sam had to do for Bobby.

~*~

By chance Sam was there when Castiel regained consciousness. The younger Winchester had just brought Dean dinner because he didn't want to leave the Angel for more than a trip to the toilet as both hunters heard a soft groan from the bed. Dean was next to the bed in an instant, Sam close on his heels. Castiel blinked a few times and then simply closed his eyes again and fell asleep.

~*~

As Sam wanted to enter the room the next morning, balancing all of Dean's breakfast in his arms, he heard soft voices through the closed door and stopped. It sounded like light conversation, small talk - nothing one would have with an Angel of the Lord. No mentioning of Lucifer or Armageddon. They were talking about... Feelings?! His brother talking about _feelings_?!

Castiel's voice was very low as if it would drain him too much to speak in a normal volume - but then again Sam was standing outside the door perhaps his level was normal...

"No, Anna was right, but... It's complicated. We do feel. Albeit different to humans. When Anna said I would not know the feeling she just meant normally Angels do not feel sorry. There is no regret. We are following our orders which are righteous and just. She was partly right. I had not experienced that particular feeling in the past when she accused me of. But I think I _was_ sorry for the first time in my existence. I just did not know at that point."

"So you are capable of all feelings we have? Sorrow, happiness, fear, love, jealousy?"

"I am."

There was a short pause and Sam somehow started to feel like he was intruding a very personal exchange. Perhaps he should leave the breakfast here next to the Door for Dean to find...?

"The first time I felt jealousy was when I saw Anna kiss..." was the last thing Sam heard as he ascended the stairs.


	4. Sleep

**AN:** written for **spn_30snapshots**

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**~ Sleep ~**

Dean was sitting next to the broad bed Castiel was lying in. He too should be sleeping. Even so the hunter could not. He was tired but at the same time wired. Sam had gone to bed about an hour ago and Bobby was no companion for chit chat nowadays. So the hunter had come to the room the Angel was currently occupying. Castiel looked peacefully. Not even the slightest frown on his face. Dean remembered Jimmy, this was what that guy had looked like while sleeping. Sleeping... It was still very strange to see the Angel doing something so very human. Dean still remembered the first times Castiel fell asleep not so long ago.

~*~

It had been a long day. Dean and Sam had followed one of Castiel's lead to where to find the Colt but came up with nothing than empty stomachs and bleary eyes. It was already dark, near midnight and they were still on the road. At some time the Angel appeared in the backseat without so much as a word. He too looked tired. Another fruitless day spent with the failed attempt to find the only weapon they could kill the Devil with. All three were weary.

An hour to midnight Dean finally found a motel at the side of the road. They paid for a room with two queens and dropped their gear next to the beds before Dean turned to the Angel: "Cas, you think you could mojo us some pizza or stuff? We're in the middle of nowhere..." He had not even finished his sentence as Castiel vanished with a flutter of wings.

Sam rolled his eyes dissapprovingly and started to change into something for the night.

"What?!"

"Don't you think... Using Cas as a delivery service..." Tiredly he rubbed at his eyes shrugging helplessly. Actually he was to beat to care.

"He's doing it voluntarily." Dean shrugged and changed into a pair of sweat pants.

Only a few minutes later the room was filled with the scent of fresh pizza. Dean noticed with a frown the Australian address on the boxes but Castiel only shrugged mumbling something about timezones and opening hours. All three were sitting on the tiny table in the kitchenette both Winchesters inhaling their dinner while talking about the next steps. Like always Castiel remained silent. They did not notice something was off until Sam directed a question at the Angel - Dean had forgotten which one, it wasn't important. Castiel did not answer but continued to stare at the table in front of him. His eyes blinking now and then the only movement he made.

"Castiel?" Sam asked again a slight frown on his face.

Dean was just about to touch the Angel's shoulder as suddenly Castiel's body went limp and he sagged forward. The hunter stopped the slipping movement before the Cangel could fall of the chair. "Cas?" He later would deny the slight sound of panic in his voice.

Sam was at the Angels other side in the blink of an eye a worried expression on his face. "Hey, Castiel? Can you hear me?"

But the Angel's head just lolled to the side. The closed eyes, relaxed look and the easing of all tension was all the clue Dean needed. "Sam, do you think Angels can sleep? Because this one here just conked out..."

~*~

The next time Castiel fell asleep was about a week later. They were at Bobby's sitting on the couch talking about the Colt again. Well, Dean and Castiel were sitting at the couch. Bobby was in his wheelchair and Sam occupied the arm chair. But they all were talking quite spiritedly, bouncing of ideas and making progress for the first time in what felt like ages. Only the Angel remained silent as he did most of the time. Castiel was sitting very close, their butts not only practically touching but for real. Although Dean wasn't bothered by it. The couch was quite old and one tended to sink into the cushions when sitting down. However when Castiel started to lean against the hunter it did feel a bit strange. The Angel never got the personal space thing right but he had never been touchy-feely. Dean stiffened a bit but ignored the warm body at his side for another few minutes. When Bobby stopped mid-sentence to blink astonished at Dean and Sam too gasped he knew something was wrong. Slowly the hunter turned his head and looked at the Angel next to him. Castiel's eyes were closed, his head resting on Dean's shoulder with a very small but content smile the hunter hoped only he was able to notice. The Angel's breath was soft and regular against the hunter's neck and Castiel's right hand was resting on Dean's thigh.

"Boy, is there _anything _you wanna tell your brother 'n' me?"

There was so going to be a conversation about how to fall asleep and how not to!


	5. Sleep II

Of course the conversation never actually happened. Dean was too glad no one addressed the sleeping-incident the next day and he surely wasn't the one to bring it up again. The hunter intended to watch out the next time Castiel fell asleep wasn't anywhere near him. Unfortunately it didn't work out. The next time the Angel took a nap was again right next to Dean.

~*~

The Winchesters were sitting in a small diner eating lunch and celebrating a successful hunt - three ghosts in nothing flat. Dean had just decided to indulge himself in pie when he spotted a familiar figure in a tan trench coat approaching their table. The hunter was in a generous mood and ordered a slice of apple pie for the Angel too - he really did not plan on eating it himself. Dean moved over to sit at the window so there was a spare place next to him on the bench for Castiel to sit down.

"Hey Cas, I've ordered you pie!" the older Winchester greeted the Angel smiling broadly.

With a slight frown on his face Castiel answered: "I do not require nourishment."

Sam simply sighed trying to hide a small grin. He knew his brother all to well and was sure of what to come.

"Pie isn't something you eat because you have to. Pie is something you eat because you _want _to! And I'm sure you want pie."

"I have never..."

"Bull! You want pie you just don't know it yet."

The Angel simply shrugged and that alone should have made Dean suspicious. Normally he wouldn't let the argument die that quickly. But the hunter was distracted by the waitress arriving with his last order - dessert! Sam's pumpkin pie smelled quite nice but Dean's blueberry pie was just... The older hunter stuffed a huge slice into his mouth tasting the gorgeous pie with closed eyes.

"Dis 's great!" Dean announced while chewing on his second fork-full.

Sam nodded in agreement.

Only Castiel hadn't so much as touched his dessert.

"You really should try yours..." the older Winchester started gesturing at the apple pie as suddenly Castiel's eyes dropped. Sam's startled "Cas!" came too late for Dean to notice what was happening in time to stop the Angel's involuntary movement. With a squishing sound Castiel's face came to a rest on the untouched pie just as the waitress passed their table again.

Great. Now the Angel had not only ruined a slice of marvelous pie but they had to calm the shocked woman and explain what hat just happened, too.

~*~

The next time the Angel decided to take a nap was about one week later. Dean and Castiel had just conned their way into the part of the police station where the holding cells were located because Sam had been caught braking into the house of the last victim - Dean suspected it was a ghost, Sam claimed it to be a banshee and Castiel swore blindly it had to be an elf. The officer on duty stopped them to check their fake badges when Castiel went limp and both the hunter and the policeman struggled to keep him upright. Luckily Dean remembered the last excuse his brother had used in that diner a few days ago.

"Sorry, he's a narcoleptic...."

Sam had to wait, first Dean had to get Castiel back into their motel and inside a bed.

~*~

After that incident there _was _talk. All three of them sat down and decided it would be best for Castiel to join the Winchester's for one night all five or six days and sleep. That had been four weeks ago and apparently it worked: The Angel hadn't fallen asleep since their arrangement. Most of the time he just popped in when they were driving and spent a few hours sleeping in the backseat but two times they had to share beds because both times the motel had no room with three queens and two separate rooms were just too expensive - hunting Lucifer didn't exactly pay well. Dean had voluntarily shared a bed with Castiel because he didn't want the Angel to wake up nearly strangled by one ot the suffocating cuddle fits of his enormous brother - and Dean too wanted to spare himself that experience. Because he didn't care waking up to a warm and soft body next to him, feeling the regular breath of the angel ghosting over his neck and a hand gently laying on his arm or belly... No, it really was just... someone _had _to share...

~*~

Dean looked down on the sleeping Angel. Now with Castiel having to spend the entire day in bed because of his concussion there was not much for him to do. The Angel had tried reading but soon learned it only caused a fierce headache so most of the time he was just sleeping and Dean found himself allured to watch Castiel. He noticed how relaxed the Angel looked, how rested. Perhaps a five day rhythm wasn't the proper one. The hunter decided they would try getting Castiel to sleep every three days. Yeah, that sounded good. Dean smiled contently. Not because he liked watching another person sleep. No. He was just there in case the Angel had one of his nightmares. And if his eyes were lingering on the sleeping body it was just because there wasn't much besides Castiel to look at. Dean sighed. Oh, crap. Even he himself didn't believe those excuses anymore...


	6. Pestilence's Parting Gift

**~ Pestilence's Parting Gift ~**

It was shortly after their brief and unlucky encounter with Pestilence, about two weeks after they had left Bobby's, Castiel's boned mended again. The Winchesters were sitting at a diner having dinner when - as he did so often lately - Castiel joined them. He had no particular news or fresh information but a few days ago Dean had told him he could drop by anytime he wanted to - unless they were asleep or in the bathroom. For the first time since the Angel could remember he did not feel well so he decided to seek the brothers. Solitude was still a concept he had to get used to and right now he had enough of feeling lonely.

The Winchesters welcomed Castiel warmly and soon the three of them were deep in conversation. Dean again had ordered pie for them and the waitress with their full plates was just about to serve them the dessert as Castiel sneezed. In the same moment every single window in the building exploded letting glass shards rain down on the patrons. The plates and tumblers too shattered with a deafening noise. And all of the light bulbs busted with a tiny flash of light. Patrons were screaming and screeching while diving for cover under the tables. In the blink of an eye the peaceful diner had changed into what looked like a battleground. Sam and Dean exchanged glances, noticing the Angel was gone and decided wordlessly to leave as quickly and inconspicuously as possible. The pie was left behind.

Castiel waited for the Winchesters to return to their motel room. He was sitting at the table next to the small kitchenette analyzing the strange signals his vessel was sending him. His nose tickled, he felt a slight scratchiness inside his throat whenever he swallowed and there was pressure inside his sinuses. The Angel was not dumb. He knew those were the signs of a common cold. And he too knew they had just lived through an encounter with Pestilence...

~*~

The Winchesters found Castiel still deep in thought.

"Hey, Cas," Dean greeted the Angel while throwing his bag roughly in the direction of his bed. "That was a big badaboom! You know, you just ruined some amazing pie, again. I am beginning to believe you don't like pie..."

"Castiel?" Sam sat down next to the Angel a sympathetic frown on his face. "You don't look so good. How are you?"

The Angel sniffled and pinched the bridge of his nose frantically trying to stifle another sneeze while Dean took the third chair and sat down on Castiel's other side. "You look snuffy, Cas. Thought Angels are immune to that kinda stuff..."

"Generally speaking we are. Normally. But as I have already told you on numerous occations I am cut off from..."

"Yeah, we know." Dean interrupted the Angel. "So you think you could simply have gotten your fair share of germs and caught the sniffles?"

But Castiel shook his head. "No, Dean. We have just fought against Pestilence." The Angel did not understand how the hunter could be so ignorant and infuriating. He took a long and deep breath. Dean had the tendency to jar on his nerves. Normally he could bear with Dean's stupor but this time he really tried his patience. His nose being congested and preventing him from breathing properly did not exactly help his mood and he felt anger rise.

"Whoa, Cas, just... calm down, ok?"

Slowly the Angel opened his eyes again - when had he closed them? - and noticed how the TV and radio were flickering on and off, how the light bulbs sprayed sparks and the windows were rattling. Castiel took another long breath and tried to soothe his building rage.

"I'll go and get some cold med from the drug store..." Sam announced and fled the room.

"Take the car! And leave her a few blocks away!" Dean called as his brother was about to close the door. "In case Cas has to sneeze off another nuke I don't wanna have her around..."

Right on clue the Angel sniffled again.

~*~

When Castiel woke up the next morning he felt even worse. His nose was stuffed-up despite the ugly brown nose drops Sam had tried to torture him with - his pristine white shirt had ended up with nasty dark stains and the gasoline-like taste had burned down his throat to a point where his eyes had started watering. Every time he swallowed it not only felt like there were shard of glass in his throat but his ear drums cracked with underinflation. And the pressure in his sinuses had become even worse.

"You look peachy, Cas." Dean announced as soon as the Angel opened his eyes again.

Yeah, that pretty well summed it up, Castiel thought.

~*~

Sam had bought even more counter-cold-drugs and was determined to make Castiel take them all. There were homeopathic globules, drops he had to keep in his mouth and not swallow for a solid five minutes, a tea that tasted like nothing Castiel had known before - or even had had the desire to know. By midday he was beat. The Angel only wanted to sleep - with a free nose. Finally Dean decided to show mercy and sat down next to Castiel. In one hand he had a lukewarm tea with honey and in the other there were those stange globules.

"Hey, Cas. How're you feelin'?"

"I have been better." To Castiel even his own voice sounded alien. Scratchy, hoarse, flawed.

"Yeah, you know, having the sniffles is something every human experiences at least one or two times a year. It sucks but eventually it'll go away. There isn't much you can do, despite all those meds out there. But... this tea with honey always helps me with a soar throat. Try it. It doesn't even taste that bad." Slowly he helped Castiel take a few sips.

The Angel decided he liked the brew better than the cold water Sam had offered him an hour ago and took a huge gulp.

"Why..." Castiel's voice went from hoarse to a whisper and he cleared his throat annoyed. "Why are there so many different kinds of drugs if they don't work?"

"Because everybody's different. See, for Sam cold water and sometimes ice works if his throat is sore. I've learned that I need warm stuff like this tea. And those pellets." He put the small box with globules in the Angel's hand. "It says to take five of them three times a day but I think you should take them every hour. Try it. At least they taste sweet."

Castiel nodded thankfully and put them on the nightstand.

"And now another thing you have to learn about the common cold: to cure it you have to watch TV. A lot."

The Angel was not sure if he imagined this snort from Sam's direction. He could hear his blood swoosh in his hears so loudly everything else seemed far away. He decided not to question Dean's way of curing the cold. If he said watching TV would help he was not to object.

Dean turned on the TV and sat down on Castiel's bed next to the Angel with the remote in one hand an a cool beer in the other. "That's Star Gate - I'm sure you're gonna like it. Teal'c, he's a Jaffa, you really remind me of him sometimes. There is this gate on earth... a Stargate where you can travel through a wormhole..."

"There are no such things as wormholes on earth."

"I know, just watch and imagine."

"Ok, Dean."

"And try not to make the TV explode."

"I'll try."


	7. A lesson in humanity

**AN:** Written for Written for **spn_30snapshots**

* * *

**~ A lesson in humanity ~**

Castiel leaned with his entire weight against the door to open it. Finally the old hinges started to move and the Angel stumbled outside. It was a bright day. The sun shining making November seem a bit more bearable. No fog, no rain. A nice change. But right now Castiel could not treasure the nice weather. One step. Another. Countless small steps until he would reach his destination. Slowly he moved forward, more stumbling than walking. The Winchesters were save. The demons dead. Now he had just to make it to their motel.

The fight had drained the Angel more than he had anticipated. Three demons armed with spells. As soon as the first one had nearly hit Sam Castiel hat made short work and sent the brothers back to the motel. Although he was cut off from Heaven and stripped of most of his powers he still was more than capable of killing three minor Demons on his own. The spells not more than a small nuisance - to him. Aimed at a human they would have been more than enough to sent both Winchesters to the hospital for a very long time. Castiel knew the brothers would be... _pissed_ as Dean called it. But they were alive.

He made another step trying to fight the sudden vertigo and found himself on the ground seconds later. He had not felt the impact but he did feel a headache building. Slowly Castiel tried to stand up again and found it impossible. He was still dizzy and only accomplished to fall on his other side. Where one of the Demons had stabbed him in his stomach slowly a red spot was blossoming on his white shirt. The Angel closed his eyes and tried to gather his strength. He needed to get up. He had to get back to the Winchesters. They were save but surely worried. And he did not like the thought of bothering Dean - or Sam - any further. He needed help.

As countless people hurried by - or changed to the other side of the street Castiel pondered about humanity. They were so busy, not looking in his direction. Ignoring him. Pretending they didn't see him lying here, slowly bleeding on the concrete. A mundane man could die with his brothers just walking by and not caring. It was a realization the Angel did not like. Not in the slightest.

Castiel felt hands on his side. Dean? Slowly he opened his eyes, tried to clear his blurry sight. No, not Dean. A dark haired young man in Jeans was bend over him. "Please..." Castiel whispered. There was not enough strength left to speak in a normal level. Surely the man would help him up again. Perhaps call the Winchesters. He just had to tell him who to call. Castiel felt a slim hand reach into on e of his coats pockets. The man was probably searching for Castiel's phone so he could call... The Angel felt how Jimmy Novak's purse left the pocket. Then the man continued to search the Angel further for articles of value. Castiel felt despair mix with frustration and disappointment. He could not do anything to stop this person. Humanity, his Fathers most beloved was nothing more than a bunch of cold, shrewd scapegraces that give a damn about each other. The Angel closed his eyes and felt tears dripping down his cheeks.

"Hey! What do you think you are doing here?!" A strong female voice pieced through the blank despair Castiel was yielding. The Angel heard the thief run away and moments later there was again a hand touching him. "Hey... What happened to you?" He felt another hand turning him slowly on his back. Suddenly pain shot through his stomach, radiating from the stab wound. The woman inhaled sharply. "Oh my god... I'll call an ambulance, buddy. Don't worry, everything is gonna be ok."

The Angel tried to open his eyes to get a glimpse at that human that was finally caring enough to help him. He saw red hair reminding him of Anna but everything else was even more blurry than the last time. Right. Tears. He tried to lift an arm to wipe them away but again there was a sharp wave of pain that left him gasping for air. "You better don't move, buddy." There was suddenly pressure on his belly. It hurt and Castiel tried to batter the hand pushing on his wound away but the woman was too stronger - or perhaps he was just too weak? He heard how she talked to someone - right the ambulance she wanted to call. The Angel felt himself slowly slipping. Darkness threatened to consume him. "Hey, stay with me. Come on, buddy, talk to me. What's your name? I'm Doris. Calling you buddy gets boring pretty soon. Care to tell me your name?" The voice fended off the darkness a bit. "Castiel." Speaking was tiring and made the Angel break out in a cold sweat. He felt the womans hand in one of his pockets and had a feeling of deja-vu. Someone had done that already... Taken something from him. Right. The thief. "Oh, you don't have a ICE number. Anyone I should call?" Castiel nearly chocked trying to push the word out of his mouth. "Ok, there are only three numbers here. I think I'll call the last one you've called. Can't be too wrong."

Castiel heard how the woman talked to someone but he could not figure out who her collocutor was or what they were discussing. He suddenly was cold, his hands felt chilly and small tremors started to run through his body. Something soft touched his arms and moments later there was warmth spreading. He still felt too cool to be comfortable but the trembling had stopped.

~*~

When the Winchesters arrived at the address the woman had given them the ambulance was just round the corner the loud horn blaring in the otherwise silent scenery. People were standing on the other side of the street watching, _gaping_. But the focus of both Winchesters was on the unmoving figure on the ground. Castiel was firmly wrapped inside a maroon poncho with a woman in her early thirties sitting next to him, obviously applying pressure to some kind of wound hidden underneath the woolen fabric. The ambulance stopped next to them before the hunters had reached the two. Castiel already was on a gurney as the brothers finally arrived. While Dean instantly stepped to the injured Angel and tried to persuade the paramedics to let him ride with Castiel in the ambulance the woman caught Sam's arm. "Hey, your buddy has no ICE number. Please tell him to change that." The hunter frowned. "Ice?" "No, ICE, In Case of Emergency. An emergency contact that should be called if something like that happens and he is no longer lucid enough to call you guys on his own." Sam nodded slowly. That really made sense. "Thank you... For taking care of him. And for the tip with the phone." "You're welcome." Without any further word the woman took her bloody poncho and headed down the street.

As soon as Castiel would be better Sam would make sure each of their phones had an emergency contact entered.

* * *

**AN:** The ICE program really exists, for more information look at the wikipedia article.


	8. Still waters run cool

Prompt by **downfall35 **(Castiel's first time swimming)

part of my **spn_30snapshots** table

* * *

**~ Still waters run cool ~**

When Dean woke up it took him a few moments to notice something was wrong. Sam was snoring on the next bed oblivious to the world in general. The old radiator was gurgling and somewhere in the motel he could hear a toilet being flushed. Dean turned his head looking the other direction. Gray light was shining through the curtains illuminating the empty cot. Castiel was gone. Groaning the older Winchester sat up and rubbed his eyes. It was 5 o'clock in the morning. The sun would rise in about half an hour. It was freezing cold outside and they had driven all night before crashing around 2 or 3 am at this crappy motel. Dean really did not want to go outside looking for Castiel. But he knew he would not be able to fall asleep again worried with thousand things on his mind that could have happened to his friend.

It _really _was cold outside. The chilly air made Dean finally awake in an instant. He could see his breath in icy puffs, white frost covered every surface and parts of the sky had started to take a violet tinge. No Castiel. The parking lot was empty except for the three cars. No other buildings were near because this motel was about 10 minutes from the actual town so Deans surroundings felt solitary - of course it being 5am on a Sunday played a part in that too.

The hunter had slowly walked towards the backside of the motel as he noticed the tracks. He followed their general direction with his eyes and _knew _where he would find the Angel. Behind the motel there was a lake surrounded by trees. White frost making the scenery look as if directly taken from a postcard. Serenity, harmony, tranquility - no he did not think that girly thoughts. But Castiel would. Hugging himself - because, damn, it _was _cold! - he slowly followed the lonesome tracks down to the lake. The frozen grass was slippery and Dean had to be careful but eventually the ground changed to gravel. He had reached the shore. Where was that damn Angel? He only wanted to ensure his friend was all right before returning to the warm room and snuggling under his cozy blanket again to sleep at least another 5 hours! But on the small stones surrounding the lake there no longer were visible tracks.

When the sun eventually started raising, the sky coloured in purple, pink and violet, Dean finally spotted a lonesome figure. Castiel was standing in the water his clothes neatly folded lying on a stack on the gravel. The Angel was naked. In the water. In the _freezing _water. Involuntarily Dean shivered harder. While Dean approached Castiel was wading farther inside the lake until the icy waters had reached his stomach. Dean was about to holler for his crazy friend, make him leave the lake before he either caught pneumonia or some innocent passerby got a good look at Angel junk as suddenly blinding light erupted from Castiel's back. The hunter had to avert his eyes for a moment and when he dared to look again he saw feathers - a hell of a lot of feathers! Castiel's wings were... strange. They were definitely _wings _but the feathers were made of pure light, translucent and glowing in a thousand different shades of light. And they were huge. Dean had caught a glimpse back then at the barren but seeing not only their shadow now his suspicion was confirmed. Castiel's wingspan was easily more than six meters.

Carefully the Angel folded his wings back so they were partly under water. Dean had expected the water to start sizzling and vaporizing but nothing happened. Slowly Castiel ducked more and more into the icy water and while the astonished hunter watched the Angel started swimming. He thought physically Castiel should not be able to move like that with those huge wings partly unfolded but it was as if the Angel was flying under water. Dean viewed the spectacle slack-jawed while the sun entirely rose and slowly a few lonesome birds began chirping.

About fifteen minutes later the Angel apparently had enough of swimming in the lake and returned to Dean. Without any trace of shame or discomfort Castiel left the water and walked slowly to Dean who was still standing next to the pile of clothes. The Angel's skin was pale and blueish, goosebumps covering the entire body. With a flash of light the wings were gone and Castiel dry. Somehow Dean could not avert his eyes studied the naked form of his friend because hello? Freezing water? Castiel was shivering but even less than the hunter was.

"Don't you think its a bit cool for swimming today?"

"It is. But the water was still very appealing."

"As is the shower in our room."

"I will give it try as soon as we are back."

"That's a good idea. And if you've caught a cold don't come whining for pity." Of course Dean knew he would look after the Angel as he would look after Sam - regardless of his stupid little swimming trip. "And now dress. I don't want anyone to arrest us." _Damn Angel_, he thought with a secret smile tugging at his lips.


	9. Pie & Fly

AN: written for spn_30_snapshots

* * *

**~ Pie & Fly ~**

It was something the Angel had wanted to offer Dean for quite some time now but with the recent events he wasn't sure how much longer he would still be able to. Each passing day he lost a bit more of his powers, each day his Grace grew weaker, each day he became a bit less Angel and more human.

"Dean, do you want to fly with me?"

The older Winchester regarded his friend as if Castiel had just stated he needed Dean to give away the impala. The Angel frowned in confusion as the hunter declined frantically with some random excuse. Somehow he felt very disappointed.

A few minutes later as he was alone with Sam the young man explained with a smile of genuine excuse: "Sorry, Dean's just afraid of flying per se."

~*~

"Cas, you know, it really would be easier if you'd eat something. You wouldn't have to waste your precious Grace on sustaining your vessel."

But instead of answering the Angel just vanished as so often.

Although Castiel knew the Winchesters were right, although he had to admit the day he would no longer have the _choice_ to decline was already near, although the possibility to actually _taste_ one of those gloriously smelling pies made his vessel's mouth water he still was too afraid. Human digestion and excremation was... humiliating, disgusting, _gross_.

~*~

"Dean, Castiel, how about a deal." The young man smiled like the Cheshire Cat - a smile both Angel and hunter had learned to dread. "You, Cas, let Dean take you to a diner and try a few bites of food. And therefore you, Dean, let Castiel take you to a scenic flight."

"Or...?" Dean asked although he was kind of afraid to hear the answer.

"Or I'll try my best to make your next days anything from easy." The smile even grew at these words, tinted with a wicked promise. "Just think about it. I'll take a shower and await your decision afterwards."

~*~

Dean knew what his brother's threat had implied. He was not exactly keen on Sam being even more annoying than usually. All his shirts replaced by pink polos? Every one of his tapes gone and only a single one with Celine Dion's howling left? Sam could be really inventive if he wanted to bother Dean.

"Cas, I'm afraid we don't have a choice..."

The Angel sighed deeply - such a human gesture it made Dean's heart ache.

"There's a small diner down the road. I need something first before we... take off..."

Again Castiel sighed. Nevertheless he followed his friend as Dean picked up his purse and left the room.

~*~

The diner was a small but tidy family run business. Bold white letters stated "Fries & Pies" on one of the windows reflecting the ice blue winter sky. Castiel looked up. Small white clouds dotted the intense blue. The sun was shining brightly although the air was still freezing cold. A wonderful weather to fly. He could feel the familiar yearning, his wings twitching in anticipation. A few more minutes... A year ago time hadn't mattered at all. Castiel was a being without beginning or end. He would live forevermore - or until he would fall in battle and dissolve into nothing. But now... He could slowly feel his days becoming finite, each passing second brought him nearer to the point where he wouldn't be able to use his Grace anymore. Suddenly just a few more minutes seemed way too long.

The clattering of dishes pulled the Angel out of his musings. Seemingly on autopilot - one of many of Dean's expressions he had started to use - he had followed his friend to a table. Obviously the hunter had already ordered, too, as there now was a glass of dark liquid and a plate with a still steaming slice of apple pie in front of the Angel.

"I've thought we'd stick to the classics first. Root beer and apple pie." Dean was grinning with joy - if Castiel had even assumed it would make the hunter _that _happy the Angel would have tried eating long ago - despite the problem of depositing the waste afterwards.

The pie was great, just as Dean had always claimed. Sweet and sour likewise, soft apples, crunchy crust, fluffy cream and a hint of spices. The Angel decided instantly that he liked pie.

The root beer too was better than expected. A fizzling and sweet, malty tasting liquid that went down his throat with an invigorating tingle. Castiel emptied his glass in one go.

Apparently eating and drinking wasn't that bad. The amazing taste made up for the unfamiliar experience of the different textures sliding down his throat. Castiel had just decided to join the brothers the next time they had dinner as he noticed an unpleasant pressure building inside his stomach. It was bordering on pain - was he going to vomit?

It took Dean some time to notice the lack of movement from Castiel's side. He looked up from the meager remains of his cherry pie and noticed not only had the Angel seemingly stopped eating after half of his slice but he was now sitting with a deep frown and one hand pressed to his abdomen.

"Cas? Ya ok?"

The Angel opened his mouth to answer and Dean really didn't jerk. It was perhaps a tiny flinch. But the volume of Castiel's burp took both of them by surprise. Dean watched in astonishment as his friend clapped a hand over his mouth and looked at him with pleading eyes, mumbling something like an excuse under his breath. Dean knew he should take the Angel seriously - just, the hunter simply couldn't. He was too busy erupting in loud laughter. He'd never thought he would see Castiel actually blushing, but he'd never thought he'd ever hear an honest-to-god Angel of the Lord belching like some average redneck, either.

Castiel felt better after his embarrassingly public display of lack of self control - or more precise lack of control over his vessel.

"Next time we'll better get something non-carbonated for you," Dean suggested still grinning.

The Angel agreed mutely stifling another burp.

~*~

The sun was still shining brightly as they left the small diner. Castiel felt the pulling sensation of anticipation inside his stomach and knew he could not wait much longer. The Angel used his Grace to alter the perception of all human beings in their vicinity except Dean while turning to face the hunter.

"Dean. I want you to remember one thing: I will not let you fall. "

The hunter nodded trying to suppress the fear that was threatening to grip him tight. Castiel turned him around so Dean's back was pressed onto the Angel's stomach. He felt strong arms being wrapped around his torso and heard the familiar rusting of feathers behind his back. In front of them the hunter could watch as two huge shadows of august wings unfolded from Castiel's back and stretched majestically, easily covering three meters each. He felt himself being yanked high in the air, a sudden gust of wind blowing icy air onto his face and out of instinct he clenched his eyes shut. It took Dean easily half a minute before he dared to take a glimpse again - he could no longer feel the concrete under his boots, he could hear the rhythmic beating of strong wings, he felt... he felt how they were _flying_. Really flying and as he opened one eye for a moment he saw that they were _very _high above the ground. Perhaps now was a good time to freak out?

"Dean. I will not let you come to harm. You can open your eyes, you are save."

It took every bit of self control the hunter had to finally oblige. They were high enough for him to no longer being able to distinguish the different types of cars that were driving under them. Castiel was currently following the highway leading south towards the next town with a speed that made the tiny vehicles look like they weren't moving. At all. Dean knew he actually shouldn't even be able to open his eyes. There was nowhere near the level of headwind this speed should produce. Angel mojo.

~*~

"Hey, Cas, how does... are you wings... I mean..." Dean wasn't sure how to word his question.

"We both are invisible, Dean. Nobody is able to perceive us."

"And if I turned around? How do your wings look like? Or are you just... you know, Jimmy hanging in the air?"

"I would not advise turning around."

"Oh, ok..."

~*~

Dean had not realized the Angel had changed directions at some point until he noticed the small diner appearing in front of them. Castiel slowed down enough to fly a small circle above the building before they suddenly stalled out and the ground was rapidly approaching - or they were... Damn! They were crashing!

The hunter heard himself yelling Castiel's name while frantically clinging to the Angel's arms - somewhere deep inside he knew that holding on to his friend would not prevent them from hitting the ground violently but Dean was on the verge of panic, instinct taking over and said instinct told him not only to close his eyes so he no longer could see them plummeting down towards the ground but to keep clinging to the Angel at any cost. The unpleasant feeling of free fall inside his intestines, his eardrums popping, and suddenly quiet. No more wind. A solid ground under his boots.

Dean blinked cautiously, still gripping Castiel tight. They were in front of the small diner again. Just as if their little trip never had happened. The hunter was glad his friend still had his arms wrapped around him because right now the Winchester's legs were made of jelly.

"You screaked, " the Angel stated with a hint of confusion - or amusement?

"I...," Dean swallowed, tried to force his voice to operate normal again. Still his words were hoarse and shaking. "I might have panicked a bit."

"We were just touching down."

"I might need to visit the toilet."

"Me too."

* * *

AN2: I am auctioning off a story at the LJ community help_haiti. There are many other great authors you can bid on there also! Just head over to the community (or my LJ if you don't have the link) and not only donate for a good cause but get a fine reward, too!


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